i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
