I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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