I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
