I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
