I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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