I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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