and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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