the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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