the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize