the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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