What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
