p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
