yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
