I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
