one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
