dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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