I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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