If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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