You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
