The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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