we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
