Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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