I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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