I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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