This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
