In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
