Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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