I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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