I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
