Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
