ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
