If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
