then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize