I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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