I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
