Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
