You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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