If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
