Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
