I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
whose parrot is this?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
