What did we do last night that was yellow?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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