if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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