omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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