Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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