Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
