I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
