You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
