Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
