Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
