things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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