if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
