its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
