Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
