I cannot find my penis.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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