I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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