You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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