When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
