I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
