wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
