yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
