Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
