and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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