What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
