so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
