So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
