i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize