OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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