My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
