Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
