First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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