She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
